Surrounded by Idiots | Shortform (2024)

1-Page Summary

Surrounded by Idiots is a guide to understanding yourself and the people at work who just aren’t like you. Bestselling author and communication expert Thomas Erikson asserts that there are four personality types, and we all fall into one or more of these categories.

Using real-life examples, Erikson goes through a variety of professional scenarios and shows how each personality type would handle the situation. First, he explores the behaviors and motivations of each personality. Then he explains how you can adjust your approach to complement the working and communication style of your colleagues, employees, and bosses.

(Shortform note: It’s not a new idea to classify human behavior into distinct categories. In fact, recorded evidence of personality typing goes as far back as the 5th century BC. Erikson’s choice to designate four categories of human personality has deep historical roots: He notes that the ancient Greeks and Romans, the Aztecs, and others have all used a four-category system of classification.)

In this guide, we’ll compare Erikson’s ideas about personality to those of other personality-typing models, and we’ll add perspectives from psychologists that support or challenge his assertions. By the end, you’ll be able to more effectively communicate and collaborate with the people you used to think were idiots.

An Introduction to the Colors

Erikson discusses four personality types in terms of colors: Red, Yellow, Green, and Blue. Throughout the text, he refers to people by personality type as Red people, Yellow people, and so on. Erikson’s color model is based on the DISC personality-type model, which categorizes people as Dominant, Inspiring, Stable, or Compliant. He explains that he chose to use colors instead of the DISC terms because they are easier to understand, connect to, and remember. Here’s how the two models compare:

Why This Knowledge Is Power

How will knowing your personality and others’ help you in business and communication? According to Erikson, the short answer is that all communication happens in the listener’s language, not yours. He argues that by learning how to communicate in the listener’s language, or style, you’ll become a better teammate and leader within your organization.

You Will Learn Other “Languages”

Erikson says that one of the greatest challenges of communication is how little control the speaker has over what the listener hears. Think of each color or personality type as having its own language. If you’re not speaking in the listener’s language, he will not understand you. However, Erikson asserts that if you adjust your behavior and communication style to the listener’s way of hearing, your intended message will be more accurately communicated.

Erikson doesn’t claim to have the silver bullet for effective communication. Rather, he says this book aims to educate the reader enough to avoid major blunders when it comes to communication basics.

(Shortform note: Learning how to effectively listen is equally as valuable as learning how to speak in another person’s “language.” One strategy for engaging in active listening is to ask thoughtful questions that solicit detailed answers. People are usually willing to go deeper with their answers and share more information if they trust that you haven’t already made up your mind about the topic. As a result, you might receive additional information that can open your mind and strengthen your relationship.)

You Will Become a Better Teammate and Leader

Erikson explains that because there are four personality types, the majority of people you work with won’t be like you. They won’t think or behave in the way that you do, and this can cause frustration on both ends. He says that once you’re able to recognize other people’s personality types, you’ll be able to collaborate with greater ease and efficiency. You will see that your weaknesses are their strengths, and vice versa. Erikson adds that you will also become better at predicting how others will react in certain situations, as well as recognizing where they’ll struggle and where they’ll shine.

If you manage employees, you will find these tools helpful when creating teams. Erikson stresses that when you put the right group of people together, there are fewer disagreements, greater employee retention, and higher quality of work.

Workplace Conflict Carries a High Price

Erikson argues that this book will help you be a better employee, leader, and colleague because it will cut down on workplace conflict. How valuable is this, exactly?

The Uncommon League, a business training organization, estimates that each year, private companies in the United States spend more than $350 billion on conflict management. Conflicting leadership methods, work style differences, and personality clashes between co-workers were listed as three of the five most common types of workplace conflict. These conflicts cause employee disengagement, more absences, higher turnover, and greater risk of lawsuits.

Things to Keep In Mind

Erikson acknowledges that the process of categorizing people can feel like an oversimplification and rub some people the wrong way. For this reason, he’s clear about a few things before diving in:

• This work analyzes mentally stable personalities. Mental illness, addiction, trauma, and abuse are not taken into consideration.
• How you behave is a combination of genetic inheritance and environment. Where you grew up and who raised you play a pivotal role in shaping the personality you were born with.
• This is a general form of categorization and analysis designed to help you understand yourself and others better—it’s not an exact science.

(Shortform note: Erikson mentions that environment plays a role in personality development, and culture is a big part of that. In some cultures, personal space is highly valued, whereas in others, displays of affection are abundant. Some countries value individual freedoms over group comfort (such as the United States), and other countries believe the opposite (Japan, for example). Knowing a person’s cultural background would be an asset if you are considering typing their personality.)

Exercise: Remember Personality Clashes in Childhood

Upbringing affects personality, but some qualities you’re born with. Begin thinking about your own innate characteristics as we enter this study of human personality.

• What is a personality trait that you and a sibling don’t have in common? (If you are an only child, think about a childhood friend. Some examples include quiet versus outgoing, or adventurous versus cautious.)

• Think back to a time when this difference caused a conflict between you and the other person. What happened?

• Do you and this person still experience occasional conflict over this difference in personality? If yes, how so? If no, why not?

Exercise: Begin Identifying Your Personality Type

• Which personality type do you most strongly align with, and why?

• Now think about someone you disagree frequently with. What personality type do you think they are, and why?

Part 1: Identifying Personality Types | Chapter 2: The Extroverts—Red and Yellow

In this section, Erikson explains the mindset and behavior characteristics of Red and Yellow personality types, which he calls extroverted colors. He defines extroversion as being more active in the external world than the internal. In other words, extroverts spend more time acting than thinking. Throughout the book, Erikson expands on the information provided in the overview here.

(Shortform note: Myers-Briggs agrees that extraverts (note their difference in spelling) prefer to be active in the external world. They add that extraverts are energized by other people, so they seek larger social gatherings than introverts do.)

An Overview of the Red Personality Type

According to Erikson, Red personalities are unapologetically ambitious and self-confident. They like to be in charge and are comfortable taking risks. People with this personality are extroverted and not afraid to speak their mind, even when it causes conflict. Erikson notes that Hippocrates calls this behavior type “choleric.”

A Red Personality’s Ambition Is Unmatched

Erikson explains that Red personality types enjoy competition more than the other personalities, and they are constantly pushing themselves to exceed expectations. In games, Red types can be sore losers and will usually ask for a rematch. In work, you will find them intentionally outperforming their peers. While this competitive spirit helps Red personalities achieve great things, Erikson warns that it can be aggressive and off-putting to the other personality types.

People who are dominated by Red traits are not afraid of challenges—in fact, they love them. Erikson says Red types are fearless in unchartered territory. He adds that most entrepreneurs are Red because they push through setbacks, where others may falter.

Because Red personalities are so driven and have high expectations, they’re often in leadership roles. Oddly enough, Erikson points out, power and prestige are not important to them. He explains that autonomy is what they’re after—nobody is going to tell them what to do, because (in their minds) they already know how to do it better and faster.

Is Ambition Determined at Birth?

Erikson argues that people with the Red personality type are born ambitious. Whether or not genetics affect a person’s ambition is still undetermined, but psychologists do believe when you are born makes a difference.

Numerous studies point to birth order as one indicator of ambition. They’ve determined that first-born children are generally more ambitious in their careers than their younger siblings. The leading theory is that parents are the most strict with their first child, and this breeds high expectations. The parents worry about their first child reaching milestones on time (such as walking by one year), and will actively work with their toddler to meet them. With each child afterward, they relax and let the child develop at a natural pace. As a conditioned result, firstborns push themselves harder than their siblings.

Red Personalities Are Confident

Red types make quick decisions and are annoyed by drawn-out deliberations. Erikson says that they are the first to become bored and frustrated if conversation drags on during a meeting. They prefer to make decisions quickly and get to work.

Red personalities want to lead the conversation if a decision is being made. Erikson says they are the first to answer a posed question and typically speak louder than everyone around them. If you disagree with them, they’ll try to convince you to see things their way—sometimes relentlessly.

Red personality types are honest and blunt, often lacking tact. Erikson says people with this personality call it like they see it and don’t sugarcoat anything. Some people appreciate and admire this; others are taken aback and intimidated.

How to Prevent Your Colleague From Dominating the Meeting

If a colleague is dominating every work discussion and derailing meetings, it can kill morale. One effective way to prevent this from happening is to not interrupt him when he is speaking.

It may seem counterintuitive, but by letting your colleague speak for as long as he wants with no interruption, you’ll actually shorten his turn in the spotlight. If you respond point by point, the colleague will feel that his contributions are valuable discussion fodder rather than a disruption. So let him get everything out and then respond politely in as few words as possible. When you respond, acknowledge only the comments that addressed the core issue and ignore any tangents that he may have brought up.

Red Personalities Enjoy Excitement and Risks

Red types stay busy. Erikson describes their schedule as being jam-packed—filled with social engagements, professional networking, and physical challenges. A Red personality type is likely to attend a music festival one weekend and climb a mountain the next. Erikson explains that they also get more done than others because if they have five free minutes, they will fill it with a task.

(Shortform note: For some, the desire to stay busy is an inherent personality trait. For others, it is a coping mechanism for anxiety, or a strategy to avoid feelings. One way to distinguish between the two is to evaluate whether this busyness is exhausting you or re-energizing you.)

Red personalities are comfortable with risks. Erikson says if you know an adrenaline junkie, she’s most likely a Red personality type. They’re not scared by risky ventures because they believe in their own abilities to handle whatever comes their way.

(Shortform note: According to the Myers-Briggs personality model, “Intuitive Perceivers” (also referred to as NPs) are most likely to enjoy and embrace risks. NPs tend to enjoy career choices that are less secure but have a higher payout possibility, such as entrepreneurship.)

Seek a Red-Dominant Person If...

If you need help solving a problem, especially if it involves conflict, Erikson says to find someone with a Red personality type. For example, if the residents in your building aren’t adhering to assigned parking spots and you shudder at the idea of confronting them, ask a Red type to help. He’ll be happy to stand up at the HOA meeting and declare why everyone needs to stick to the rule. The caveat here is that Red personalities need to believe in the cause themselves; they don’t care what others think, and therefore they aren’t helping out of compassion for you. But if you can get them on your side, they’ll take care of it.

(Shortform note: If you want to become better at confronting others (rather than outsourcing the task to someone with a Red personality), start by choosing one small complaint to bring up to someone that you love and trust. Choose a complaint that isn’t personal and a person who you know won’t blow up at you. Practice this from time to time and observe how you feel before, during, and after the confrontation.)

Erikson lists several famous Red personality types, including Mother Teresa, Steve Jobs, and Barack Obama.

An Overview of the Yellow Personality Type

Yellow types have a charismatic personality and a bright outlook. Erikson says they see life as a smorgasbord of delights and are the first to try something new. Their driving forces in life are joy and laughter. Erikson writes that Hippocrates refers to this type as “sanguine,” which means “optimist.”

Yellow Personalities Are Social Butterflies

Yellow personalities are highly entertaining and tend to be popular. Have you ever been at a party and noticed a circle of laughing guests around one particular person? Erikson says this person is most likely a Yellow type. He adds that they’re avid storytellers, love the spotlight, and ignore no one. This positivity is contagious—when you spend time with a Yellow personality, Erikson says you tend to feel more cheerful yourself.

Red and Yellow personality types are both extroverts, but Erikson makes the distinction that Yellow personalities are highly focused on crafting relationships and personal connections, and Red types aren’t. He says people with a Yellow personality can talk to anyone (even strangers) and enjoy the conversation. They don’t care if the conversation leads to anything or is of particular substance—they simply enjoy human connection.

Like Red types, Yellow personalities like to keep a busy schedule, Erikson explains. Because they see the beauty in everything, they’re the most curious of the personality types. He says you can suggest almost any activity to a Yellow personality, and she’ll be excited to join you.

Are Social Butterflies Always Extroverts?

Introverts are often portrayed as shy homebodies who avoid social settings, but according to neuroscientists, this is a huge misconception. Rather, extroverts and introverts have different brain chemistry, one aspect of which is dopamine threshold. Dopamine is the hormone that makes us feel good, and the lower your threshold, the easier it is to become overstimulated and exhausted. Introverts can attend a party and be just as social as the extroverts, and they may even enjoy it just as much—they simply need more recovery time afterward.

Consider this analogy: Two runners run the same race with similar results. One runner takes a day off and trains again the following day, while the other needs a week to recover. Parties and social gatherings are the same way for extroverts and introverts.

Yellow Personalities Feel Positive About the Future

Like Red types, Erikson says Yellow personalities are able to make quick decisions. The difference between the two is that Reds will decide based on logic, while Yellow personalities follow their gut instinct, or what “feels right.”

People with this personality type are optimists, but they’re not in denial about the hardships of life. If something sad happens to them, Erikson says they’ll cry and feel sad, but they won’t dwell on it. Yellow personalities embrace their feelings in the moment but move on quickly.

Yellow types are highly creative and also resourceful. Erikson explains that they see solutions where others see problems, and their thinking is often out of the box. He says Yellow personalities are the most likely to exclaim, “I have an idea!”

Optimism Changes With Age

In 2020, the Journal of Research in Personality published the results of a study in which researchers posed a question: Do people’s life experiences affect their level of optimism? In other words, could a person who is normally optimistic become a pessimist after experiencing hardship?

About 75,000 American, German, and Dutch people (ranging in age from 16 to 101) participated in the study. Researchers found that optimism fluctuated very little as a response to life circ*mstances, but it did change with age. Participants were shown to be the most optimistic in early adulthood and least optimistic in old age, with a plateau in middle age.

Yellow Personalities Are Persuasive

People with Yellow-dominant personalities are skilled persuaders. Erikson says Yellow types can convince a room full of people to believe in a project through a bubbly and inspirational speech. He adds that they’re masters of language (both verbal and physical) and can convince you to think like them through their charismatic way of speaking. Politicians are often Yellow—including Bill Clinton.

(Shortform note: Regardless of personality, one way to become more persuasive in your speech is to eliminate qualifiers such as “I believe” or “I think.” Rather, state your belief as a fact. “This is the best option,” is more persuasive than, “I think this is the best option.” This works because people tend to follow the most confident person in the room.)

Seek a Yellow-Dominant Person If...

If you need help brainstorming new ideas or finding a creative solution to a tricky problem, Erikson says to find a Yellow personality type. For example, if you have two deadlines approaching simultaneously at work, your Yellow-dominant colleague will probably have an idea for how you can kill both birds with one stone.

(Shortform note: In the Myers-Briggs model, ENTPs are the most creative problem-solvers. They are skilled at seeing a challenge, dreaming up a conceptual solution, and then strategizing a practical solution.)

Erikson lists several famous Yellow personalities, including Robin Williams, Oprah Winfrey, and Ellen DeGeneres.

Exercise: Compare Red and Yellow Personality Types

People with Red (dominant) and Yellow (inspiring) personality types are both outgoing extroverts, but they have some distinct differences. Test what you’ve learned so far about how these two personality types are alike and different.

• What are two characteristics or behaviors that Red and Yellow personalities have in common?

• What are two ways that Red and Yellow types are different?

• Who among your work colleagues are most like a Red or Yellow personality type, and why do you think so?

Chapter 3: The Introverts—Green and Blue

In this section, Erikson gives a snapshot of the mindset and behavior characteristics of the Green and Blue personality types, which are both introverted. Erikson defines introversion as being more active in the internal world than the external. Said another way, introverts spend more time thinking than acting.

(Shortform note: Myers-Briggs aligns with Erikson’s definition of introversion, adding that introverts prefer spending time alone or in small groups, and that they often enjoy the idea of something as much as the real thing.)

An Overview of the Green Personality Type

Erikson says that the Green personality, which Hippocrates would call “phlegmatic,” is the most common. He labels Green types as the most balanced and describes them as a little bit of every color. Green personalities are even-tempered, kind, empathetic, and can go with the flow. Erikson says they can be perceived as shy or unsure of themselves.

Green Personalities Go With the Flow

In terms of behavior, Green personalities are unlikely to stand out in a crowd. Because of this, Erikson says they bring a calm and laid-back energy to the group. For harmony’s sake, he says it’s important that most people are Green types. Imagine if most people at a party were trying to be the center of attention, or if most people in an office were trying to lead the meeting. Erikson explains that situations such as these would be terribly painful to take part in.

Children with the Green personality type tend to do well in school. Erikson says they follow the rules, complete their homework, and are conscientious toward their peers. They are the students teachers don’t have to worry about.

Adults with this personality type are great employees because they’re dependable. Erikson describes them as people who will take orders and do a good job. They hate to disappoint others and crave stability, so they enjoy knowing exactly what is expected of them. Erikson says Green types will put up with issues at work as long as their sense of stability isn’t being threatened, so they’re less likely to leave a job due to dissatisfaction.

Men With Type B Personalities Have Lower Risk of Heart Disease

This portion of Erikson’s description of the Green personality type closely resembles the personality label “type B,” which is described as being laid-back, adaptable, and patient.

The terms “type A” and “type B” were coined by two cardiologists (Meyer Friedman and Ray H. Rosenman) in the 1950s during a nine-year study on 3,000 men, in which they looked for patterns between personality traits and heart health. They concluded that those with type B personalities had fewer instances of coronary heart disease and high blood pressure than the type A participants—even when accounting for other risk factors, such as smoking.

Green Personalities Are Helpful to Others

Green types are caring people. Erikson says they will remember your birthday, support your new venture, and notice if your feelings are hurt. They won’t compete with you or try to steal your spotlight. He adds that Green personalities are empathetic and terrified of offending others. If a Green-dominant person thinks he hurt someone’s feelings, it will keep him up at night with worry and guilt.

Greens are excellent listeners. Erikson says they care more about helping others than helping themselves. He says a friend with a Green personality type is the one you should go to for solid, heartfelt advice—as opposed to needing inspiration (from the Yellow-type friend) or tough love (from your Red-type friend).

Someone with a Green personality type views the “team” above the “self,” and always offers to lighten the load for others. Because Green types are so kind and helpful, Erikson says they risk being taken advantage of by others and also of burning themselves out. For a Green-dominant person to be stable, Erikson says it’s important that they’re taken care of in return.

Wanting to Be Helpful Versus Needing to Be Needed

Erikson describes the Green personality as caring and helpful, but there is an important distinction between wanting to help others and feeling a deep desire to be needed. Respectively, therapist and professor Suzanne Degges-White refers to the two as “reluctant pleasers” and “relentless pleasers.” From the outside, they appear almost identical—the difference lies in their motivation.

Reluctant pleasers help others because they struggle with saying “no.” While they may agree in the moment, there is often an underlying feeling of dread, unappreciation, and resentment. If you are this person, Degges-White says you run the risk of being taken advantage of, and you should work on prioritizing your own needs before others’.

Relentless pleasers help others because their self-esteem is reliant on being needed. These people equate their value in a relationship with how much they’re able to give to the other person. This behavior can push others away, however, because some people feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable when so much assistance is offered. If you are this person, Degges-White advises you to only offer assistance to those who want it, and look for other ways to connect to those who don’t.

Green Personalities Prefer the Status Quo

When it comes to change, Green types are less enthusiastic than Red and Yellow personalities. Erikson explains that Green personalities tend to be content with what they have and are less likely to take risks or seek adventure. This isn’t to say that they avoid change altogether—rather, they just need time to warm to the idea and they need a compelling reason to do it. For example, a Green-dominant person is unlikely to leave a dull but stable career in search of something more exciting, but she would change careers if it benefited her family.

In relationships, Erikson says Green types rarely believe that the grass is greener elsewhere. As a result, they’re more likely to work on a struggling relationship than leave for someone new.

(Shortform note: Erikson describes both Green and Blue personalities as resistant to change. The Enneagram model takes a less simplistic approach, arguing that every personality type evaluates potential change based on their values. For example, Enneagram “sevens” wonder if the change will bring excitement, while “eights” ask if it will affect their independence.)

Seek a Green-Dominant Person If...

If you find yourself in a frenetic state and need a calming influence, or if you want down-to-earth advice, Erikson says to find a Green type. Green personalities are the friends who remind you that the world isn’t ending when you make a mistake or feel overwhelmed, and they’ll point out all the good you already have in your life.

Erikson lists famous Green personality types, including Mahatma Gandhi, Michelle Obama, and Fred Rogers.

An Overview of the Blue Personality Type

The final personality type that Erikson discusses is Blue, which Hippocrates refers to as “melancholic.” Like Green types, Blue personalities are introverted—but that’s where the similarities end. Unlike a Green-dominant person, who will go with the flow, the Blue personality is meticulous, deliberate, and cautious. Erikson says that Blue types can be seen from the outside as know-it-alls and “negative Nancies.”

Blue Personalities Are Meticulous

Blue-dominant people are extremely organized. Erikson says they have a place for everything, know where every cent goes, and keep detailed schedules. It would not be unusual for a Blue type to plan meals weeks in advance.

Blue personalities are detail-oriented. Erikson says they live for fine print, and they would never sign a contract without reading every word and making adjustments. While a Red type will want to get started right away, a Yellow personality will go with their gut, and a Green type will agree if everyone else does, Erikson says a Blue-dominant person needs to have control over the situation before starting.

Blue types value quality over speed, and they like to make sure that everything is perfect. Erikson says engineers and other detail-oriented professionals are often Blue. They believe that a task is only worth doing if it’s done perfectly and that shoddy work is never an option.

The Difference Between Being Meticulous and Having OCD

The term “OCD” has become slang for perfectionism, extreme cleanliness, and detail-orientation. However, obsessive-compulsive disorder isn’t a personality trait—it’s a debilitating disorder characterized by high anxiety (not just discomfort) along with unwanted obsessions and rituals. Consider two (of the many) distinctions:

Obsession: A person without OCD might discover a new song or show that they enjoy and engage in it obsessively for days or weeks on end. By contrast, “clinical obsession,” which is what those with OCD experience, is when unwelcome and intrusive impulses or ideas plague the person’s every thought.

Cleanliness and organization: People without OCD feel at their best when their environment is spotless, and they may or may not enjoy cleaning. Those with OCD, however, often believe that something catastrophic will happen if their surroundings aren’t their version of “perfect.”

Blue Personalities Are Deep Thinkers

Blue types are knowledgeable but don’t show off what they know. Rather, Erikson says they’re likely to display their knowledge only when they feel it’s necessary. For instance, they’d speak up to correct a mistake they overhear. Erikson adds that Blue personalities are so knowledgeable because they research topics in great depth. For example, while a Red type might make a passing comment about a football game, the Blue-dominant person watched the game, studied old stats, and also read the star player’s biography.

Erikson goes on to say that if a Blue type is speaking about a topic, she probably knows more about it than you do. People with this personality type won’t speak up unless directly asked. For example, picture a classmate who knew every answer but never raised her hand. That person is likely a Blue.

(Shortform note: Quiet people are often misinterpreted as shy, but the two are not the same. To be shy is to feel nervous or intimidated in the presence of others and to fear embarrassment or disapproval. It is a state of being, not a personality trait. On the other hand, some people are quiet not because they are timid, but because they prefer to listen and observe. For them, it’s part of their personality. Keanu Reeves is no stranger to this topic. He has expressed frustration with the constant question of “why” he is so quiet. He explains that this is simply how he functions.)

Blue Personalities Are Cautious

Blue types rarely take risks. Erikson says if they do take a risk, it means they thought it through and have already calculated the level of danger. If they’re unable to predict the risk, they’re unlikely to take a chance on the activity. Blue personalities prefer to use proven methods over new ones.

(Shortform note: In the Myers-Briggs model, this trait most closely resembles ISTJ and ESTJ. Both of these types avoid unproven strategies and opt instead for the most efficient tried-and-true routes. They are willing to change course, however, if given enough time to research all options.)

Seek a Blue-Dominant Person If...

If you need something done right and aren’t in a hurry, Erikson says you should find a Blue-dominant person. A coworker or friend with this personality type will also be helpful if you need someone to proofread a piece of writing or give honest feedback. He will be sure to point out where you can improve.

Erikson lists famous Blue personality types, including Bill Gates and Albert Einstein.

Exercise: Differentiate Between Green and Blue Personalities

Green (stable) and Blue (compliant) personality types are both introverts, but they have many differences. Review what you have learned so far about how these two personalities differ.

• Green and Blue types are both cautious, but for different reasons. Why do they each tend to avoid risks?

• Green and Blue personalities are both on the quieter side. What are their individual reasons for being this way?

• Who among your work colleagues are most like Green or Blue personalities, and why do you think so?

Chapter 4: Negative Perceptions of Each Color

So far, Erikson has taken you through an overview of how each personality thinks and behaves. This chapter discusses what others perceive to be weaknesses of each color. These perceptions aren’t always accurate and don’t take each personality type’s intentions into account. However, Erikson asserts that the way you’re perceived by others is important, because it influences how your messages are received.

Although this section deals specifically with negative perceptions, Erikson emphasizes that no single personality type is better than another. There is no “ideal” personality. Also, he points out that 95% of the population is a combination of two or more personality types.

Negative Perceptions of Red Personality Types

In the DISC model, Erikson’s “Red” aligns with the “Dominant” personality, which can be overwhelming to some people. Erikson says others may view this personality type as overbearing, insensitive, and self-centered.

The Perception: Red Personalities Are Overbearing

Red-dominant people like to be in control. Erikson reiterates that they are not detail-oriented people, and therefore they have no interest in micromanaging your work. However, they do like to be in charge, so if there is a decision to be made it will be their way or the highway. As a result, Erikson says those working with Red types often feel controlled and resent the lack of autonomy.

(Shortform note: There is a theory that the desire to control others begins with “conditioned helplessness” in childhood. A child who isn’t taught to solve problems herself and is instead catered to by her caregivers is likely to grow into an adult who demands more of the same. In these cases, bossing other people around keeps anxiety and low self-efficacy at bay.)

The Perception: Red Personalities Are Insensitive

Erikson asserts that Red-dominant people avoid long conversations unless they’re truly interested in the topic, and they’re not subtle when expressing boredom. To be polite, they might ask about your weekend—but if you start actually telling them about your weekend, watch as their eyes glaze over or they check their watch. They might even stop the conversation entirely and walk away. Erikson says most people perceive this type of behavior as cold-hearted and rude. In reality, Red types don’t lack empathy, they just “get the picture” very quickly in the conversation and have no need for the details.

(Shortform note: In The Fine Art of Small Talk, Debra Fine gives advice on how to gracefully end a conversation. Rather than ending it abruptly, as the Red personality is inclined to do, Fine recommends you thank or compliment the person, give a reason for your departure, and then follow through with the excuse. For example, let’s say you go to a coworker with a question and find yourself in a conversation you’d like to end. Try saying, “Thank you so much for answering my question, I need to go make some copies now,” and then let him see you walk toward the copy room.)

The Perception: Red Personalities Are Self-Centered

Red types will fight for what they want, and they’re not shy about it. Erikson says because Reds start so many statements with “I” (like, “I want this” and “I believe that”), they come across as preferring themselves over the team. He points out that Green types are especially bothered by this, because they believe in the group over self. Erikson says Red personalities meet their own needs before helping others, and they’re willing to step over other people to get what they want. As a result, they often alienate others and lose friends.

(Shortform note: If you have no trouble advocating for yourself at work but don’t want to be perceived as selfish, one simple strategy can make a big difference. After stating what you want, end by asking the others for their opinion. For example, if the office is choosing a new software program, you could say, “I strongly prefer Product A because of reasons x, y, and z, but what do you all think?” By using this formula, you have made your position clear while also communicating that you value others’ opinions as much as your own.)

Negative Perceptions of Yellow Personality Types

In the DISC model, Erikson’s “Yellow” aligns with the “Inspiring” personality, which is typically pleasant in small doses but can be too intense for some. Erikson says others may view this personality type as overly talkative, scatterbrained, and childish.

The Perception: Yellow Personalities Talk Too Much

Yellow-dominant people live for conversation, and they’re the most gifted speakers of all the personality types. Erikson says there is rarely a filter between what a Yellow type thinks and what they say, so their speech is often a never-ending stream of consciousness. Because of this, Yellow personalities tend to dominate every conversation, and other personality types struggle to get a word in edgewise. Erikson says the other color-types (especially the introverted Blue personalities) quickly grow tired of listening to the nonstop talking.

(Shortform note: If you worry that you dominate conversations, try using the traffic light rule: In the first 30 seconds of speaking, you have a green light (your listener’s attention). In the following 30 seconds, you have a yellow light (you may or may not have your listener’s attention). After one minute of speaking, imagine you have hit a red light—stop and give your listener a chance to speak. If she wants you to continue, she will ask probing questions. If she doesn’t, then you have stopped at just the right time.)

The Perception: Yellow Personalities Are Scatterbrained

Erikson reiterates that Yellow types are more interested in ideas than in execution, and they can’t be bothered with details. As a result, Yellow-dominant people start a lot of projects that they don’t finish. He adds that they hate to follow convention and tend to have their own organizational systems that others can’t understand. For example, while you might look at a messy room and think it’s disorganized, a Yellow personality type can tell you (without looking) that her notebook is under the purple pillow next to the pile of laundry. Erikson explains that Yellow-dominant people are often late and they frequently forget deadlines and appointments—often because they try to store everything in their heads instead of using a calendar. For all of these reasons, others perceive them to be scatterbrained.

(Shortform note: Society tends to look down upon disorganization and messiness, but recent studies draw connections between clutter and creativity. In one experiment, participants were divided into two groups and asked to come up with new uses for a ping pong ball. The first group was given a clean and organized space to work in. The other group was placed in a messy room. The group in the messy room came up with more innovative ideas for the ping pong ball than did the group in the clean room, leading researchers to believe that disorganized environments are beneficial to the creative process.)

The Perception: Yellow Personalities Are Childish

Erikson says that Yellow-dominant people exhibit many behaviors that are common among children: They prefer speaking over listening, they need conversations and activities to be fun or they lose interest, and they push boundaries until redirected. Yellow types are often the most entertaining and engaging people in the room, but when it’s time to focus or be serious, their antics can be perceived as annoying and childish.

(Shortform note: Where is the line between harmless childlike behavior and true emotional immaturity? Psychologists say that emotional immaturity exists when a person hasn’t yet developed the ability to deal with adult emotions. A good test of this is how someone responds to confrontation. Do they listen to understand and look for a solution, or do they blame others, deny involvement, and lash out emotionally?)

Negative Perceptions of Green Personality Types

In the DISC model, Erikson’s “Green” aligns with the “Stable” personality, which is comforting at times and frustrating at others. Erikson says others may view this personality type as overly lazy, stubborn, and two-faced.

The Perception: Green Personalities Are Lazy

More than any other personality type, Green-dominant people are slow to warm. Erikson explains that Green types take their time mulling over decisions and they live more inside their minds than in the outside world. They prefer staying at home and reading a good book over going out in search of adventure. Red and Yellow personalities struggle with this because they can’t understand why a person would choose the same activity day after day.

Along the same lines, Erikson adds that Green-dominant people aren’t particularly ambitious. If they have a solid job that meets their needs, they’re unlikely to reach for more. He says Red personalities, in particular, can’t wrap their minds around this. Bottom line: Of all the colors, Green types are the least motivated to move, literally and figuratively. This leads the other personality types to characterize them as lazy.

Americans and Hustle Culture

The correlation between stillness and laziness is an American sentiment not shared by all cultures. Americans are often characterized by other nations as ambitious workaholics who don’t know how to relax. Statistics back this up:

• Americans work almost 500 more hours per year than the French.

• More than 85% of men and 66% of U.S. women exceed 40 hours of work per week.

• The US is the only industrialized nation without legally mandated annual leave.

Other countries encourage and celebrate leisure. Italy, for example, has a well-known phrase: bel far niente—“the beauty of doing nothing.”

The Perception: Green Personalities Are Stubborn

Because Green-dominant people take so long to make decisions, Erikson warns that it’s difficult to change their minds about any given topic. Where a Red type will change her mind if presented with compelling evidence, a Yellow type will change based on gut feeling, and a Blue-dominant person will change after enough research, a Green personality is generally set in her ways. There are ways to change a Green type (see “How to Persuade a Green” in Chapter 7), but it isn’t easy, so other colors view Greens as simply stubborn.

(Shortform note: Sometimes a person is stubborn not because they believe in their decision, but because they fear change. Tim Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek, is famously quoted as saying “People will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.” Fear of the unknown is a powerful motivator to stay stagnant, but it can keep you from growing and achieving fulfillment. If you find yourself refusing to budge, start by evaluating whether you’re actually happy with where you are, or if you’re avoiding change.)

The Perception: Green Personalities Are Two-Faced

Erikson emphasizes that Green personality types avoid conflict like the plague. They care deeply about how others perceive them, so they’re careful not to rock the boat. Erikson notes that this doesn’t mean that Green-dominant people don’t have opinions of their own. Rather, instead of communicating their grievances directly, they often complain behind the other person’s back. Ironically, in their attempts to avoid conflict, Greens come across as fake and untrustworthy.

(Shortform note: If you discover that a coworker has been complaining about you behind your back, it’s natural to feel hurt or angry. You might even vow never to trust that person again. Instead of lashing out or participating in the gossip, start by asking yourself if you contributed to this behavior. Was there something you did or said that made you unapproachable? Confront the person in a straightforward manner but with empathy, ask why he felt he couldn’t come to you directly, and then listen without judgment.)

Negative Perceptions of Blue Personality Types

In the DISC model, Erikson’s “Blue” aligns with the “Compliant” personality, which is reliable but leaves little room for flexibility. Erikson says others may view those with this personality type as cold-hearted and negative know-it-alls.

The Perception: Blue Personalities Are Cold-Hearted

Blue-dominant people like to have space—physically and emotionally. People with this personality type need to know someone really well before opening up about their own lives. They tend to have a few close friends rather than a large social circle, and they prefer to spend time alone or with their families. Their body language is quite closed off (don’t expect a hug) and they aren’t ones for small talk. For these reasons, others often perceive Blues to be cold and emotionless.

(Shortform note: “Avoidant attachment” is a term psychologists use to describe people who either avoid relationships or keep their partners at arm’s length. They might even sabotage their relationships as a defense mechanism against being left first. This attachment style is often the result of unresolved childhood trauma, such as abandonment. There is an important distinction, however, between avoidant attachment and the personality trait Erikson describes here: Blue personality types are closed off until they form a deeper relationship, and people with avoidant attachment are closed off within their deepest relationships.)

The Perception: Blue Personalities Are Negative

Blue personalities call themselves “realists,” but Erikson says other color types view them as pessimists. This is because Blues are quick to identify problems but rarely offer solutions (that’s Red and Yellow types’ territory). For example, imagine you present a project proposal in a meeting and ask for feedback. The Green personalities will stay quiet, the Red and Yellow personalities will offer next steps, and the Blue types will point out all the areas you went wrong. This behavior can drag down morale, but Erikson says the Blue personalities believe they’re being helpful.

(Shortform note: There is a common adage in business: “Don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions.” The goal is to avoid a culture of toxic complaining, but while well-intentioned, this approach creates unique problems. The more complex an issue, the harder it is to come up with a solution, and some problems need an all-hands-on-deck approach. “Solution-only thinking” stifles cooperative problem-solving and intimidates employees into not bringing up an issue until it’s a full-blown crisis. When you create a safe environment to discuss problems, more effective solutions can come to light while the issue is still small.)

The Perception: Blue Personalities Are Know-It-Alls

Erikson says that because Blue-dominant people are so research-oriented, they know a lot about every situation they enter ahead of time. This preparedness leads Blue personalities to distrust or dismiss other people’s advice. For example, if a Blue type has decided to run a marathon for the first time, she’ll research the best shoes, the most optimal training schedule, the requirements for entering the race, and so on—all before she goes on her first run. So if you—an experienced runner—try to give her advice, don’t be surprised if she waves you off. Erikson says Blue personalities only take advice from those they deem to be experts, and it takes a lot for them to consider someone an expert.

(Shortform note: If someone asks for your advice on a personal matter but doesn’t take it, should you be insulted? Psychologists say no. Nine times out of 10, they say, when someone asks for your advice, she is really attempting to feel better. Often, she’s either seeking validation for what she’s already decided, or using the opportunity to vent. Only about 10% of the time is the person actually taking your opinion into consideration.)

Exercise: Uncover Your Perceptions

How we feel about a person’s choices and intentions affects how we react. Analyze how you perceive the people you spend time with and how your perceptions affect your relationships.

• Think about someone in your life whom you perceive to be a know-it-all. What does this person do or say to make you think this about them? How has it affected your relationship?

• Describe a time when someone avoided confronting you directly and instead talked about the issue behind your back. How did you feel about this person afterward?

• Think of a person in your life who tends to dominate conversations or always make it about them. How do you or others handle it when that happens?

• Think about someone in your life who you perceive to be self-centered. What is an example of this behavior? How does it affect your relationship with this person?

Chapter 5: Communication Styles

So far, Erikson has explained the four personality types and discussed their traits, behavior patterns, and how others perceive them. In this chapter, Erikson focuses on how each color communicates using their body language, vocal cues, and style of writing. Remember, communication happens on the listener’s terms, so when you’re able to identify a person’s personality type using clues in their communication style, conversations become more effective.

Body Language

In this section, Erikson discusses each personality’s unique use of body language. By recognizing each color type’s physical patterns, you should experience a greater ease in communication and fewer misunderstandings.

Red Personality Type’s Body Language

According to Erikson, everything about a Red personality’s body language is direct and aggressive, especially if they’re trying to make a point (which happens often). They shake your hand firmly, look into your eyes, lean forward when speaking, and use sharp hand gestures. He says Red types often wear serious, focused facial expressions unless actively engaged in a fun activity. They tend to keep others at arm’s distance and are not big on hugging (even in social situations).

(Shortform note: Erikson says that people with dominant personalities exhibit specific body language characteristics, but do some people weaponize body language with an intent to dominate? Psychology Today describes how some men use body language to control others (especially women). Lingering and intense eye contact, invasion of personal space, and non-consensual touching (such as shushing someone by touching their lips), are all warning signs that someone is attempting to intimidate you.)

Yellow Personality Type’s Body Language

Erikson says that while Yellow personalities are similar to Red types in many ways, they have different body language styles. Where Red-dominant people are physically standoffish, he says Yellow personalities have little to no sense of personal space. They have no problem sitting close to another person, they enjoy hugging, and they touch people frequently. He says this might look like a knowing hand on the shoulder or a joking slap on the back. They smile without obvious reason and have a relaxed, comfortable posture.

(Shortform note: If this is your body language style, it’s helpful to know when another person is feeling uncomfortable by your proximity. If a person feels that their personal space is being invaded, they might back up, clutch a drink or bag against their chest, or crane their neck backward. If you are in an unfamiliar culture, observe those around you to see what is considered “normal” spacing for where you are.)

Green Personality Type’s Body Language

Erikson says a Green-dominant person’s body language is similar to Yellow type’s, but on a much more subtle level. Green personalities maintain friendly eye contact, a gentle smile, and aren’t averse to hugging. Green types are OK with touching if they know you well, but they prefer personal space when it comes to strangers and acquaintances. Erikson says Green personalities tend to lean backward when sitting and generally maintain a relaxed posture. They don’t draw attention to themselves with hand movements, preferring instead to blend in with the crowd.

(Shortform note: Erikson says people with this personality type are great listeners, and their body language supports the theory. To show that you’re listening, experts recommend many of the behaviors listed here (relaxed posture, eye contact, occasional smiling, and touching). They also suggest using head movements—for example, nodding signals that you understand, and a slight tilt of the head communicates curiosity.)

Blue Personality Type’s Body Language

According to Erikson, Blue personalities exhibit the least amount of motion in their body language of all the personality types. They’re able to sit and stand perfectly still and deliver a message without hand gestures. Their facial expressions are subtle and controlled. Erikson explains that a Blue-dominant person may be experiencing great joy but only show a simple smile. They have no trouble maintaining eye contact, but without accompanying body language, it can come across as intimidating. Erikson says Blue types prefer to have a great deal of personal space, and if they feel that you’re getting too close, they’ll cross their arms or legs to signal their discomfort.

(Shortform note: “Closed off” body language can be attributed to several factors outside of personality. For example, crossed legs and arms can signal that a person is uncomfortable, nervous, or even just cold. A person might control her facial expressions when she is distracted by something, focusing on appearing professional, or listening intently. When assessing a person’s body language as it relates to personality, it would be wise to observe them in multiple situations over a significant period of time.)

Use Body Language “Matching” to Secure a Sale

In Way of the Wolf, sales trainer Jordan Belfort (known as the “Wolf of Wall Street”) describes how salespeople can use body language to their benefit. One method he recommends is body language matching—the conscious act of adapting your body language to that of the client.

For example, if your client is leaning forward, smiling, and making eye contact, match his energy, and feel free to use a friendly slap on the shoulder while talking. However, if he is sitting with closed arms and legs, maintain your own personal space, and stay out of his.

As Erikson’s book contends, we tend to trust people who are like us. By matching a client or colleague’s body language when you’re pitching an idea or product, you’ll encourage him to let his guard down and listen to what you have to say.

Vocal Cues

A vocal cue is a variation in someone’s voice when speaking, such as tone and speed. According to Erikson, each personality type displays distinct vocal cues, and by listening carefully, you can learn a lot about who they are.

Red Personality Type’s Vocal Cues

Red types exude confidence, and Erikson points out that this is evident in their tone of voice. Even when they’re nervous or unsure of themselves, Red personalities speak in a voice that’s loud and clear. He explains that they won’t stumble over their words, and they rarely pause. In other words, they speak quickly and articulately.

Yellow Personality Type’s Vocal Cues

Have you heard the expression, he wears his heart on his sleeve? Well, Erikson says a Yellow-dominant person wears his heart on his tongue. When a Yellow personality type speaks, you immediately know what he’s feeling because his tone of voice is full of expression. Erikson explains that Yellow personalities speak quickly like Red types, but unlike the articulate Reds, Yellow-dominant people often stumble over their words because there isn’t much of a filter between their thinking and speaking.

Green Personality Type’s Vocal Cues

Erikson says Green personalities speak in controlled, gentle, and soft tones. Their speed is on the slower side, but not as slow as a Blue personality. While fine in small groups, Erikson explains that when a Green-dominant person is speaking to a crowd, she might be asked to raise her voice so everyone can hear. One of the reasons why they’re a calming force, he says, is because their voices ooze warmth and comfort.

Blue Personality Type’s Vocal Cues

Erikson says that Blue personalities speak slowly and have little variance in tone. They pause more than other people because they think through everything that they want to say and are deliberate with their words. He says Blue types may come across as dry or uninterested because of the lack of inflection or passion in their voices.

The Vocal Cues of Great Public Speakers

Of these four ways of speaking, is one better suited for public speeches than the others? The answer depends on a few factors:

• The topic and purpose of the speech

• The setting in which the speech is given

• Who is delivering it

For example, a speech given by the President about war shouldn’t be delivered in the same way that a tech entrepreneur would unveil a new product. For this reason, some people’s natural way of speaking might be better suited for certain topics. However, the most important factor is authenticity.

Communications coach Carmine Gallo explains in his book, Talk Like TED, that an audience can instantly detect inauthenticity. If you naturally speak with little variance in your tone and try to sound enthusiastic, it will ring false. If you genuinely feel enthusiastic, on the other hand, let this emotion shine through. To keep an audience’s trust and attention, you must be true to yourself.

If you find yourself tasked with delivering a public speech, don’t try to change your personality, but do consider the context of the speech and deliver it accordingly.

Written Communication

You can now identify a person’s personality type using body language and vocal cues. However, this only works if you’re face-to-face. Erikson points out that in today’s world, collaboration from a distance isn’t unusual, and there will be times when you have to meet and work with someone via writing. In these situations, he says it’s helpful to know the personality type of the person you’re dealing with, and how to respond accordingly. Luckily, each type has distinct writing characteristics.

Using Erikson’s identification and response techniques, in this section we use a hypothetical scenario to study each personality type’s written communication style. Consider how each of the colors might send an email regarding an upcoming company party:

Red Personality’s Email

Reminder, the party is at 7 on Saturday. No need to bring anything.

—Janet

Characteristics: The email is short and to the point. There is no opening greeting or closing words, and definitely no small talk. Emails from Red-dominant people often contain sentence fragments.

How to Respond: Erikson says to answer the email immediately, and keep it short and sweet. “Thanks, see you then” would suffice.

Yellow Personality’s Email

Hey everyone! Just a reminder, the company party is this Saturday at 7 p.m. Yay! I can’t wait! There will be all kinds of drinks, lots of food, and the best DJ in town (I’ve known him forever, and he DJ’d my friend’s birthday party, so I’ve seen him in action, and he’s great!). Everything is provided, but feel free to bring good vibes, haha! See you there!

Thanks, Janet

Characteristics: In this email, there is an opening greeting as well as a closing. She uses animated language, exclamation points, and casual words. She sneaks in a personal anecdote about the DJ that’s a bit tangential. You can feel her emotions coming through the page.

How to Respond: Erikson says Yellow personalities don’t expect an immediate response like Red types do, but don’t forget to answer or she will feel self-conscious. While you don’t have to sound as excited as she does, he recommends you show appreciation for the reminder using a friendly tone.

Green Personality’s Email

Hi team, I just wanted to remind you that the company party will start at 7 on Saturday. Food and drinks will be provided, but you’re welcome to bring something if you feel inclined. If you haven’t done so already, please remind me by the end of the day if you have any food allergies so I can alert the caterer. See you all there!

Sincerely, Janet

Characteristics: This email is friendly but polished. The tone is soft and approachable like the Yellow type’s. Unlike the Yellow-dominant person, however, the Green personality is careful with punctuation and word choice to sound professional but not cold. Note that she asks about food allergies so that everyone is accommodated.

How to respond: Erikson says Green types like to feel appreciated, so respond in a friendly manner and thank her for her hard work on the party and for the emailed reminder.

Blue Personality’s Email

Good morning everybody. This email is a reminder that our annual employee appreciation party will be held this Saturday at 7 p.m. at the convention center (the same location as last year). I have included driving directions and parking instructions as attachments to this email. The party will end precisely at midnight. Please be prompt in your departure, as we have a cleaning team hired to begin at exactly midnight.

Regards, Janet

Characteristics: This email has no emotion attached and is instead all about conveying practical information. She included driving directions even though the employees are familiar with the location, and it’s important to her that the employees leave on time. The language is professional, and there are no exclamation points.

How to respond: First, recognize that Janet assumes you read the email and attachments in full, so don’t respond with any questions that she’s already answered. Erikson recommends you respond with a short email confirming that you received and understand the email and attachments.

How to Effectively Request a Favor via Email

Regardless of your personality type and your recipient’s, there are a few universal strategies you should use when requesting a favor via email. To win anyone’s favor, the request must come across politely and professionally. Here are a few tips:

• Use a formal tone when you don’t know the recipient well, or if she holds a higher status than you. For example, instead of saying, “Hi Joan!” you might opt for, “Good afternoon Professor Jennings.”

• Put her schedule and needs above your own. After all, you’re the one needing the favor. For example, if you are asking a colleague to help you with a project, you could say, “If you’re able to help, I would be happy to work around your schedule and bring coffee.”

• Don’t elaborate on excuses when asking for a time extension. Keep the reason for the request short and simple, and instead focus on what you are requesting.

• Show appreciation but don’t overdo it. Always thank the recipient for her time and for honoring the request, but don’t ingratiate. Too many thank yous will come across as unprofessional.

Exercise: Analyze Communication Styles

You can learn a lot about a person by how they communicate. Take this opportunity to look a bit deeper.

• Review your most recent email from a colleague or boss. Which personality type does the email most resemble? Why do you think so? (Remember to look for clues in punctuation, length of email, and the greeting and closing.)

• Now think about how this person communicates with you face-to-face. Which personality type do their body language and vocal cues most resemble? Give examples. (For instance, is their tone warm and energetic or cool and professional? Do they use friendly touch or maintain a physical distance?)

• What is one way you can use your analysis to communicate with this person more effectively?

Chapter 6: Stress Triggers and Responses

As previously discussed, Erikson says each personality type has its own driving forces—the stuff that motivates them to get out of bed each morning. He says when people don’t give enough time and energy to these driving forces and are pressured to perform in areas that feel foreign, the result is massive stress.

In this chapter, Erikson helps you identify each personality type’s stress triggers and predict how each will respond. By doing so, you can avoid the triggers more easily and tailor your response.

Furthermore, if you serve in a leadership role, knowing and mitigating the stress triggers of your employees will encourage a more efficient and pleasant work environment for everyone.

Stress Triggers for Red Personality Types

Erikson says the following factors trigger a stress response in Red personalities:

• Lack of authority: They like to be in charge of people and make all of the important decisions. They will feel stressed if they have to answer to someone else or ask permission to act.
• Time wasters: They need to see immediate headway on a task. If they feel you’re wasting time due to excessive talking, a nonchalant pace, or lack of results, they’ll be on edge.
• Bureaucracy: They’re big-picture thinkers and don’t do well with bureaucratic procedure. If they’re asked to fill out a stack of forms, or explain their plan in detail, their day will be ruined.
• Routine busy work: They need to feel like they’re solving a problem. If everything is running too smoothly and they’re not challenged, they feel useless and discouraged.
• Being told to calm down: They run hot, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re angry. In fact, if they’re accused of being angry or told to calm down, this produces the opposite of the intended effect.

Enneagram Eights and the Fear of Weakness

In the Enneagram model, Erikson’s Red personality type most closely resembles Type Eight, also known as “The Challenger.” Eights are described as confident, strong, and assertive. Their greatest desire in life is to be in control of themselves, and they want to prove that they are strong and self-reliant. When their decisions are made by another person, they feel vulnerable and weak—and this is their greatest fear. As a way of showing strength and autonomy in the face of these stressors, Eights are prone to overworking themselves and burning out.

Eights can combat their fear of weakness and reduce stress by learning to embrace vulnerability. Over time, they will learn that being vulnerable is a sign of strength.

How Red Personalities Respond to Stress

Erikson says when a Red-dominant person feels stressed, he lashes out and blames others, and his driven nature and high expectations intensify. He will shut everyone out, put his head down, and complete all of the work by himself.

If you’re the Red type’s superior, Erikson says you can help alleviate his stress by excusing him from the office and encouraging him to engage in a physical activity. For example, you might say, “I can see that you’re frustrated. Why don’t you go for a run and come back later.” The idea is that a Red personality’s anger will burn off with his physical exertion.

(Shortform note: Suggesting someone exercise can be risky. Before speaking, first consider whether this person normally engages in physical activities. If they do, then they likely will appreciate the opportunity to do so; if they don’t, it can come across as insulting or overbearing.)

Stress Triggers for Yellow Personality Types

Erikson says the following factors will trigger a stress response in Yellow personalities:

• Negative people: Yellow-dominant people are eternal optimists, so when others explain why an idea won’t work (or point out the obstacles) this makes them frustrated and tense.
• Structured schedules: They love to stay busy, but they hate routine and repetition. If they aren’t given freedom over their schedule and room to be spontaneous, they’ll feel smothered and immobilized.
• Isolation: As extroverted social butterflies, they need the company of others to feel balanced. Isolated Yellow types feel restless and uncomfortable.
• Continual conflict: They don’t mind occasional conflict, but if an environment is chronically negative, they’ll feel as if their life forces are being drained.
• Feeling invisible: They thrive on the spotlight and want to be heard. If they’re not being invited into discussions or activities, this is stressful for a Yellow type.

Enneagram Sevens and the Stress of Overcommitment

In the Enneagram model, Erikson’s Yellow personality type most closely translates to Type Seven, also known as “The Enthusiast.” Sevens are described as extroverted, creative, fun-loving, and optimistic. Their greatest desires are freedom and self-fulfillment. Sevens like to be in charge of their own schedule and have the flexibility to take advantage of exciting opportunities, so when they feel restricted in any way, this is very stressful.

A frequent stressor for Sevens is overcommitment. Because they have so many ideas, Sevens like to start projects but often lose interest shortly after. Reminders, deadlines, and incomplete tasks can quickly overwhelm Sevens.

Sevens can combat the stress of overcommitment by waiting a day or two before committing to a new project. By delaying their decision for a short period of time, they can avoid a pile-up of impulsive whims.

How Yellow Personalities Respond to Stress

Erikson says a Yellow-dominant person’s way of dealing with stress is to become even more Yellow. That is to say, she’ll become more talkative, more optimistic (to an outlandish degree), and more energetic. He says she’ll do whatever it takes to be the center of attention.

Erikson says you can help a Yellow type manage her stress by allowing her to be in a social situation—and it’s even better if she can plan it. For example, when a Yellow-dominant person is feeling frazzled, suggest that she plan a fun night out with the team to boost morale. Erikson asserts that the act of planning a social event is often enough to pull a Yellow type out of her stressed state.

(Shortform note: If the Yellow personality is stressed because of overcommitment (as the Enneagram model above suggests), it might be a bad idea to assign her another new task. Consider having a talk with her and asking if she feels overwhelmed or understimulated, and respond accordingly. If she is overwhelmed, offer to take something off of her plate, or help her prioritize her commitments. If she is understimulated, then you can suggest she plan a social event.)

Stress Triggers for Green Personality Types

Erikson says the following factors will trigger a stress response in Green personalities:

• Frenetic environments: Green-dominant people are relationship-driven and love other people, but they need alone time and silence to operate at top gear. Loud and chaotic environments (especially when sustained over long periods of time) drain their energy.
• Sudden changes: They take their time with decisions, so when a directive suddenly changes or they’re asked to make a split-second choice, this is very stressful.
• Failure: Failure is difficult for everyone, but Green personalities especially despise it. They tend to see it as a reflection of their own self-worth.
• Family disagreements: Conflict in the workplace makes them feel uncomfortable, but conflict in the family will keep them up all night with worry.
• The spotlight: If they’re asked to give a presentation to a large group, they’ll be consumed with anxiety until it’s over.

Enneagram Nines and the Stress of Making Decisions

In the Enneagram model, Erikson’s Green personality type most closely translates to Type Nine, also known as “The Peacemaker.” Nines are described as supportive, empathetic, and stable. Their greatest desire is to have peace of mind. Conflict, high-energy situations, and the natural ups and downs of life are very stressful for Nines.

A frequent stressor for Nines is decision-making. Because they are so focused on helping others and keeping the peace, they often lose sight of what they want for themselves and feel pressured to make the perfect choice.

In the short term, Nines can alleviate the stress of making decisions by asking the requestor to narrow the options down to a few choices. In the long-term, Nines would benefit from working with a professional on their indecisiveness.

How Green Personalities Respond to Stress

When Green-dominant people are feeling stressed, Erikson says they’re apt to completely shut down. Usually the most empathetic of all the colors, they’ll switch gears into total apathy. Erikson warns that Green types become paralyzed with a fear of handling the situation incorrectly and will inflict internal blame and shame.

Erikson says you can help Green personalities manage their stress by giving them space and time to do nothing. He says when Greens are stressed, they need to reset by doing a relaxing activity (or sleeping), either by themselves or in a very small group. In a workplace, this might look like giving them the afternoon off, or asking them to dedicate the rest of the day to some isolated activity that doesn’t require any decision-making.

(Shortform note: Psychologists say that spending time alone can help “reboot” your brain. In a set of studies performed on college students, researchers drew a connection between solitude and emotional regulation. They had some participants spend time alone and had some spend time conversing with others. After only 15 minutes alone, participants reported lower levels of high-energy emotions (such as excitement or anxiety), and higher levels of low-energy emotions (such as tranquility and relaxation). The same effect was not achieved by participants who spent that time conversing with others.)

Stress Triggers for Blue Personality Types

Erikson says the following factors will trigger a stress response in Blue personalities:

• Spontaneous changes: They’re OK with change, but only if proper planning is done. Spontaneous changes in direction with no solid rationale make Blue types uncomfortable and irritable.
• Risky decisions: They are extremely risk-averse. They prefer tried-and-true procedures over spontaneity (even if spontaneity yields great innovation). If you ask them to “loosen up” or “take a chance,” they become angry and flustered.
• Surprise plans: Even if they don’t communicate it to you, Blue personalities have their schedules mapped out in detail. Unexpected plans, such as drop-in visits, irritate Blue types.
• Silly mistakes: They view mistakes as the result of carelessness, and they’re extremely careful people. If you consistently make small mistakes in front of Blue-dominant people, they’ll hate working with you.
• Emotional people: They aren’t devoid of emotion, but they keep it inside. People who show emotional distress to others make Blue personality types uncomfortable—to them, emotional outbursts signal a lack of logical thinking.

Enneagram Sixes and the Stress of Uncertainty

In the Enneagram model, Erikson’s Blue most closely resembles Type Six, also known as “The Loyalist.” Sixes are described as hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Prone to anxiety and pessimism, their greatest desire is security. Sixes enjoy planning for all possible outcomes but often doubt themselves and avoid making decisions.

A frequent stressor for Sixes is uncertainty about the future. When faced with a new experience or situation, Sixes can become paralyzed with worry and panic. To combat this fear of the unknown, Sixes should define their criteria for preparation and learn to make peace with what is in their control.

How Blue Personalities Respond to Stress

Erikson says when Blue-dominant people experience stress, they slow way down. Suddenly none of their tasks are getting done, and they’ll instead double-down on their pessimism. Where they might have pointed out obvious mistakes before, Erikson warns they’ll now point out every single mistake they see.

As with Greens, when Blue types are stressed, Erikson recommends you give them space. They need time away from everyone else to sort through the situation and make a new plan. Once they feel they have control again and have analyzed the risks, they’ll relax.

(Shortform note: If you are a chronic worrier, you’ve probably been told many times to “stop worrying so much.” Whether or not you actually should depends on your level of worrying. Small to moderate amounts have been shown to be beneficial, because it motivates people to take smart action against risks. Quitting smoking, wearing a seatbelt, and avoiding drugs are all related to a bit of worry. Too much worry, however, can negatively affect every part of your health, from your sleep to your cardiovascular system. If you find that your worrying is persistent and debilitating, this is the time to seek help.)

Exercise: Identify Your Stress Triggers

The way we react to stress is part of our innate personality, unless we actively work to change it. By recognizing your triggers and response, you can control and modify your behavior.

• Think back to the last time you felt stressed by a situation. What was going on, and how did your stress manifest? (For example, did you yell or find somewhere to be alone? Did you feel paralyzed or did you launch into action?)

• Describe a time when your coping mechanism for stress caused a conflict or misunderstanding with someone else.

• Write two sentences that you can deliver to a colleague when you need to cope with stress. In the first sentence, declare your state of being. In the second sentence, state what you’ll do to resolve the stress. (For example, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m going to go for a walk to clear my head.)

Part 2: Applying Your Knowledge | Chapter 7: Adapting to Each Color’s Style

Up to this point, Erikson has explained the ins and outs of every color type. The rest of this guide focuses on how Erikson advises you to use this information. He begins by explaining why and how you should adapt your own behavior when interacting with other personality types.

Why Adapt?

Because communication happens on the listener’s terms, if you want your message to be clearly transmitted—or you want to convince the other person of something—Erikson says you must adapt to their communication style.

Erikson acknowledges that some people balk at the idea of intentionally adjusting their personality based on who they’re talking to because they believe it’s a dishonest and manipulative practice. He points out, however, that we already adapt our behavior as part of social etiquette. For instance, you don’t behave the same way with your boss as you would your spouse. Erikson maintains that you can be honest about your values, desires, and beliefs while simultaneously adjusting the way you express them.

(Shortform note: As a general rule, we’re more likely to grant requests from people we know or like. In Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Robert Cialdini describes this as the “Liking Principle.” This principle explains that we are more easily persuaded by people who we respect, who claim to like us, who are good looking, or who make us laugh. In other words, if we understand and enjoy a person, we are primed to trust them.)

How to Adapt to Each Color

Now that he’s established why adaptation is a valuable skill, Erikson takes you color by color and explains how to use this skill to persuade and work with others.

Persuading a Red Personality Type

Cut to the chase. If the purpose of your visit is to talk business, a Red-dominant person will be annoyed if you try to be his friend. One of the worst things you can do is ask about his family, hobbies, or personal life—he doesn’t believe you have a right to the information and he also thinks it’s a waste of time. Instead, Erikson recommends you ask for what you want in the fewest words possible.

(Shortform note: This advice contradicts what Dale Carnegie recommends in How to Win Friends and Influence People. Carnegie says that expressing an interest in the other person’s life is a tenet of effective salesmanship. He maintains that people love to talk about themselves and this is a quick way to win their favor and set a positive tone.)

Have an opinion and stand your ground. Erikson warns that if you approach a Red personality type with a meek “yes-man” attitude, you’re dead in the water. Red personalities respect people who have strong opinions and don’t back down easily. If your boss tells you, “No, I can’t afford to give you a raise right now,” don’t give up. Instead, respond confidently with the factual reasons why you deserve a raise and leave feelings out of it. Erikson reminds you that Red types love a challenge, so your boss is likely to embrace the negotiation process.

(Shortform note: It’s possible to stand your ground and respect the other viewpoint simultaneously. Carnegie explains that if you can understand why the other person thinks the way they do, you hold the key to changing their mind. Start by acknowledging the other person’s opinion and explain, in your own words, why the opinion is relevant. After the recipient receives this validation, explain your position passionately.)

Focus on the future and take initiative. Erikson says Red types are always looking to the future, and they respect people who take initiative instead of waiting for directions. If you want to sell a Red-dominant boss on your raise, tell him exactly what you plan to do to help him. Use concrete figures and stay away from flowery language.

(Shortform note: Carnegie says that stating the truth of a situation and providing facts and figures is not compelling enough to persuade most people. He encourages his readers to appeal to the other person via their emotions through showmanship and visual elements. This contradicts Erikson’s advice for how to appeal to a Red personality.)

Working With a Red Personality Type

Help manage the details. Erikson reiterates that Red-dominant people are big-picture thinkers and don’t care about how the vision is accomplished. Though he won’t like it, you can help this personality type by reminding him that details are, in fact, important. If you have a Blue or Green personality, you might offer to take up the minutiae yourself. If you have a Yellow personality (not keen on details either), try suggesting he delegate those tasks to a teammate who will thrive.

(Shortform note: Red personalities have no problem delegating, but because they aren’t detail-oriented to begin with, it could be helpful to create a list of specific tasks that they can assign to various team members.)

Encourage them to slow down and calculate risks. Erikson says that Red personalities rarely stop to calculate risks because they want to get the job done as quickly as possible, and they believe that they must always stay busy. If you’re collaborating with a Red-dominant person, remind him that by slowing down just a bit, he will make fewer mistakes and increase output.

(Shortform note: People often equate being busy with being productive, but there are differences between the two. Think of being busy as working hard and being productive as working smart. Another difference: Busyness is frantic in nature and productivity is focused.)

Stand up to them if they’re alienating others. Erikson reminds you that Red types don’t intentionally intimidate others, but their brash style of communicating (in combination with their short fuse) can leave others feeling steamrolled. If you see this happening, Erikson says the best thing to do is stand up to them by pointing out the behavior and communicating that it’s unacceptable.

(Shortform note: If this personality type prefers direct communication, as Erikson says, then it might be more effective to encourage the intimidated colleague to confront the Red-dominant person himself. You can help the colleague prepare for the meeting by role-playing, or offer to come along as a mediator.)

Persuading a Yellow Personality Type

Use flattery and personal connection. Erikson explains that Yellow personalities are the opposite of Reds in this way—where Red types balk at flattery, Yellows relish in it. Yellow-dominant people also care deeply about human connection, so they enjoy personal conversations. If you’re trying to persuade them, Erikson recommends you spend time chatting them up, find something you have in common, and throw in a genuine compliment for good measure.

(Shortform note: To help forge a personal connection, try researching the person’s interests ahead of time. One of the easiest ways you can do this is to spend a few minutes browsing their social media accounts before the meeting. Also, pay attention to personal items in her office. Are there sports memorabilia knick-knacks, or photos of her family at the beach? Identify something you can use as a conversation starter.)

Highlight the innovation. Yellow personalities love being the first to experience something, so Erikson says if you want to sell them something, you should point out the features that are new and exciting. For example, if you want to launch a new program in your office, point out that other offices haven’t yet tried it.

(Shortform note: While their ability to take risks is admirable, people who are chronically attracted to whatever is “new and shiny” can be taken advantage of. If you fall into this category, it’s important to resist your impulses, and take the time to ask yourself: Is this a real opportunity or simply an interesting distraction?)

Working With a Yellow Personality Type

Set a cheerful tone. Yellow personalities are at their best when everyone around them is happy, so if you’re collaborating with them, Erikson recommends you create a cheerful environment. To signal that you’re comfortable and approachable, he says to use friendly body language, such as eye contact, smiling, and leaning forward.

(Shortform note: If your demeanor isn’t naturally cheerful, this body language can come across as disingenuous. A friendly greeting, a show of gratitude, or a compliment can all accomplish the same objective. For example, saying “good morning” to a colleague is a very simple—yet often overlooked—way to start the day on a positive note.)

Create structure. If you want to help a Yellow-dominant teammate, Erikson recommends you offer to create some structure by writing up the to-do lists or managing the schedule. They will appreciate someone else taking on this task, and you’ll probably be better at it, too.

(Shortform note: Be prepared for this personality type to deviate from the schedule you created, and resist the urge to respond in frustration. Sometimes, having any schedule at all is enough to keep a person on task, even if she constantly adjusts it.)

Hold their feet to the fire. Yellow types are great at coming up with ideas but aren’t as interested in the execution. Erikson says if you’re collaborating with them, it’s important to make sure they’re pulling their weight. Remember, they care deeply about how others feel, so if their procrastination frustrates you, tell them so.

(Shortform note: Contrary to popular belief, procrastinators like to have deadlines. It is the deadline itself that motivates a procrastinator to get to work, and without one they might never begin. If you’re collaborating with someone who routinely procrastinates, break the project into chunks and agree on deadlines for each task. Make it clear that these deadlines are important to you and give a casual reminder before each one.)

Persuading a Green Personality Type

Break the process down. Green personalities don’t like change, so Erikson says they can be difficult to persuade. He recommends breaking the change down into digestible chunks for them. For example, if you want your office to switch to a new software, eliminate uncertainty by telling the Green-dominant people exactly what would happen and who would handle each step of the process.

(Shortform note: When you are trying to convince someone that a change is necessary, the first question they think is: How is this going to affect me? Most people won’t admit this, because it sounds selfish—but if you begin by telling the person how the change will make their daily routine easier or better, you will have a great advantage.)

Narrow down the choices. Erikson says that Green types are happy to follow directions but feel overwhelmed and immobilized when it comes to making decisions. If you’re trying to sell them on a new policy or product, he recommends you come to the table with one or two options for them to say “yes” or “no” to. Do the research and planning ahead of time, and explain how you narrowed down the options; they will appreciate it.

(Shortform note: If you are offering someone a few choices, you should present your favorite option first. In a set of experiments performed at UC Berkeley, participants were asked to quickly choose between two or more options. The results: Most people selected the first option available.)

Working With a Green Personality Type

Give criticisms in private. If you need to address a Green-dominant person’s behavior (or, more likely, an inaction), Erikson says to speak with her privately. Greens are sensitive, and if they’re criticized in front of others, they feel immense shame and subsequent resentment.

(Shortform note: There are a few exceptions to the widely accepted rule: “Praise in public, criticize in private.” For example, if an employee makes a discriminatory or inappropriate remark, or blatantly violates a policy, it’s important for the rest of your employees to see it addressed immediately.)

Allow for downtime. If you’re trying to work collaboratively with a Green personality type, Erikson says one of the worst things you can do is rush her. While it’s important to make sure a Green is moving, she needs occasional periods of time where she can be alone and working at her own tranquil pace.

(Shortform note: For some people, the pressure of a ticking clock can kill productivity. If you want your slower colleague to be efficient, encouraging her to move at your pace can easily backfire. Instead, discuss the time expectations ahead of time and choose a deadline that is realistic for both of you.)

Take charge. Green types rarely want to lead, and they aren’t built for it. If you’re working with them, Erikson recommends you lead the conversations and make the major decisions. Green personalities prefer to follow the roadmap rather than write it.

(Shortform note: Even if they don’t want to make the decision, most people want to feel like their opinion matters. Erikson says you can help this personality type by taking the lead, but it’s more considerate to ask them for their thoughts, and ask if they’d like you to take charge.)

Persuading a Blue Personality Type

Stick to the facts. Like Reds, Blue personalities don’t want to get personal with you. Erikson reiterates that Blues are task-oriented, and if you’re at work, they have no interest in being your friend. He recommends you approach them in a polite but businesslike manner.

(Shortform note: It’s possible to be warm and authentic while still remaining on-task and professional. Most people (regardless of personality type) will accept small bits of personal information as long as it’s not dwelled upon. For example, you can mention one of your hobbies during your greeting: “Good morning! This rain is unbelievable isn’t it? I’m glad I didn’t ride my bike to work today like I normally do.” After this short anecdote, get down to business.)

Over-prepare. Erikson stresses that Blue types are extremely detail-oriented and thorough researchers. When you want to persuade them of something, be more prepared than you think you need to be. Erikson recommends you predict what they will ask and have documentation ready. If you don’t know the answer, Erikson warns against guessing—he says it’s a better idea to be honest upfront and find the answer after.

(Shortform note: If someone asks you a question and you don’t know the answer, how should you respond? Admitting that you “don’t know” is honest but doesn’t inspire confidence if you are trying to sell something. Instead, redirect the conversation by detailing what you do know on the subject, and offer to follow up with specifics. For example, if you’re trying to convince your boss to add another person to your team, and she asks, “What return can we expect to see?” you can respond with, “I can tell you that the last time we added a team member, output and profit increased dramatically. I can get the exact figures to you by the end of the day if you’d like.”)

Keep your pitch realistic. Erikson says that Blue types are not dreamers, so don’t bother with an inspirational speech or hyperbolic statements. Instead, only promise what you know you can deliver, using exact figures when available. For example, rather than saying “I will grow our sales to the best in the state!” say, “I will increase our sales by 15%.”

(Shortform note: “Under promise and over-deliver” is common advice in business. However, a study at UC San Diego found that while customers remembered who didn’t keep their promises, they quickly forgot about the ones who exceeded their guarantees. The conclusion is that it’s important to follow through with what you promise, but not as important to go above and beyond.)

Working With a Blue Personality Type

Allow them to be meticulous, even if it takes a long time. When it comes to work, Erikson says Blue types value quality over everything else. They are perfectionists and they’ll be unhappy in their work if you rush them. Although they may take longer than you’d like, Erikson says you’ll save time in the long run because revisions and corrections won’t be needed.

(Shortform note: You may feel less frustrated with the perfectionism if you know what exactly is being perfected. If you are waiting on a colleague to finish something, and she says it’s not ready, try asking, “Can I ask which part you’re still working on, and if I can help in any way?” There’s a good chance she will launch into an explanation about what needs fixing, and you will agree with her.)

Be precise with expectations. This is a caveat to the previous instruction. Erikson acknowledges that there will be times when a task needs to be completed more quickly than a Blue-dominant person would like. When you can’t afford to give the Blue an endless deadline, Erikson says to be exact about when you need the task done. Rather than asking them to work more quickly, or pressuring them with questions like, “When do you think you’ll be done?” simply tell them, “I need this on my desk by end of day Friday.” They will appreciate the clarity and meet the expectation.

(Shortform note: It can be difficult to set clear expectations in a collaboration if there isn’t a hierarchy. If you are working with a teammate of equal rank and neither of you has been designated as the “lead,” any rule or time limit set for one person by the other will breed resentment. In cases such as these, hash out the expectations early on, and make sure that both parties agree to the plan.)

Exercise: Practice Persuasion

Depending on the personality type of the person you’re speaking to, your persuasion strategy should change. Practice what you’ve learned with a hypothetical scenario.

• Imagine you’re trying to convince a Red-dominant boss that you deserve a raise. How would you approach her and what would you say?

• Now imagine you are approaching a Yellow-dominant boss with the same request. What would you do differently?

• How would you alter this approach for a Green-dominant boss?

• Finally, how would you ask a Blue-dominant boss for a raise?

Chapter 8: Delivering Negative Feedback

Giving and receiving feedback is an uncomfortable but necessary part of life. In this chapter, Erikson focuses specifically on how to provide negative feedback to an employee based on his or her personality type.

Giving Feedback to a Red-Dominant Employee

Prepare for battle. Erikson warns that a Red personality type won’t sit quietly and listen to feedback. Instead, he will argue with you on every point and assign a scapegoat for every criticism. For this reason, Erikson advises you to give the feedback at a time when you’re feeling strong. For example, if you’re always tired at the end of the workday, schedule your meeting for the morning. You need to be energized and mentally prepared for a strong reaction.

(Shortform note: When it comes to criticism, the sooner you give feedback, the better. This is even more true for dominant personalities, because there is less room to argue when the behavior in question is still fresh in everyone’s mind. If you address the issue right away, you also eliminate the argumentative question of, “Why is this an issue now?”)

Be direct. Erikson reminds us that Red personalities don’t mince words, so skip the small talk. Also, he advises against using a “compliment sandwich” (a compliment before and after the criticism), because Red types recognize and hate when things are sugar-coated. Instead, Erikson says, tell them exactly what the problem is, using the fewest words possible.

(Shortform note: You can offer straightforward criticisms in a way that doesn’t bruise the ego by drawing on the employee’s expertise. Rather than saying, “Your presentation appeared rushed and had many mistakes,” ask him, “What do you think you could do to minimize errors in future presentations?” Using this method, you aren’t sugar-coating the issue but you’re showing that you trust that he knows how to fix it.)

Give examples. Whatever you’re critiquing, Erikson says a Red-dominant person won’t just take your word for it. Be prepared with specific, concrete examples of the behavior in question. If you aren’t ready with more than one example, they will dismiss the criticism altogether.

(Shortform note: Almost everyone experiences an internal defense mechanism when receiving negative feedback. We assume that the person doing the criticizing is either misinformed or doesn’t like us. This is rarely the truth, however, and examples can help the recipient see that the critique is based in reality.)

Leave feelings out of it. Erikson says it’s a waste of time to tell Red personality types how they made someone else feel because they don’t believe other people’s feelings are their responsibility. Red personalities are task-driven (not relationship-driven), so Erikson says you’ll have better luck if you explain how their actions affected the person’s performance.

(Shortform note: To keep the feedback objective and not opinion-based, provide a specific actionable with each critique. For example, instead of saying, “Your colleagues have trouble working with you because you’re overbearing,” say, “I’d like to see some more flexibility in your collaboration, so on the next two projects, I want you to practice being the second lead instead of the first, and we’ll debrief afterward.”)

Make them repeat the plan. At the end of the meeting, Erikson recommends you give Red-dominant people hypothetical scenarios and ask how they’d handle them. Go through each one together and make sure they have a plan for how to behave appropriately. Remember, Red personalities are problem-solvers, so this activity should feel satisfying to them while reinforcing what was discussed.

(Shortform note: Consider closing a feedback session with a joint action plan. What change needs to take place? How will progress be measured? When will a follow-up meeting take place? These questions should be discussed and the answers agreed upon before adjourning the meeting.)

Giving Feedback to a Yellow-Dominant Employee

Lead the conversation. Erikson reminds us that Yellow personalities tend to take over conversations, so be prepared to keep the exchange on track. He suggests you have a plan for how to open and close the conversation and know which points you want to make, with an example to go with each one. When they try to steer to a tangential topic, Erikson recommends being deliberate in refocusing the conversation.

(Shortform note: Use your opening to connect and align with the other person, use the body of the conversation to discuss the issues, and use the closing to clarify future expectations and plan a follow-up.)

Prepare for a dramatic response. Remember, Yellows take criticism personally and speak in dramatic hyperboles, such as “Nobody likes me,” “I always mess up,” and “I should just go away.”. Erikson urges you not to take these words to heart; they just need to lick their wounds for a bit before bouncing back.

(Shortform note: Crying because of performance reviews is more common than you might think—25% of men and 18% of women say they’ve cried after a performance review, and more than a third of Millennials say they’ve cried during one. If an employee sheds tears during your feedback session, experts say you should ask yourself three questions: Was the review result surprising? Was it communicated professionally? And, did the employee have a chance to defend herself?)

Use specific examples. Yellow types see the world through rose-colored glasses, so when you explain the problem behavior, Erikson says to prepare for them not to believe you. He recommends you have specific examples ready to reinforce your argument. For example, if you tell a Yellow personality type that she’s talking too much during staff meetings and she argues, reply, “At Tuesday’s meeting, you spoke for 15 minutes during the Q&A. On average, others speak for one to two minutes.”

(Shortform note: If you’re going to provide examples, be sure that they are recent. If an employee hears that his problem behavior started a long time ago, he’ll feel embarrassed and resentful that it wasn’t brought to his attention sooner.)

Massage their ego. Erikson reminds us that Yellow personalities can be sensitive, and they care a lot about what others think of them. For this reason, it’s helpful to reassure them that you’re not critiquing them as a person, you’re speaking only about their behavior. Unlike with Reds, flattery goes a long way with Yellow personality type. Erikson suggests you remind them of all the reasons they’re liked and respected.

(Shortform note: Even for those who enjoy praise, the “compliment sandwich” is so predictable and formulaic that it’s become a cliché. A better approach is to weave accurate and specific praise throughout your conversation. Rather than saying, “Clients love you,” be specific: “At least once a week, I receive compliments about you from our clients. They say that you’re friendly, great at explaining things, and have a fantastic memory.”)

Ask her to repeat the feedback and prepare for inconsistencies. At the end of the conversation, Erikson says to ask the Yellow-dominant employee to recap the meeting. Because they’re not great listeners, it’s likely that she ran what you said through their own filter and interpreted the meaning incorrectly. For example, if you told her that she talks too much during meetings and needs to give others a chance to speak, she might repeat it as, “You told me that what I’m saying during meetings isn’t helpful, so I need to prepare my responses better.” When you hear the inconsistencies, Erikson advises you to go over the issue again and make sure she clearly understands the problem and proposed solution.

(Shortform note: To get a better understanding of what was interpreted, you can ask the employee to recap the conversation in her own words. By doing this, any hidden meanings that she’s attached to your words will be revealed. For example, if your exact words were, “I need you to make sure that all of your projects are on time,” and she rephrases it as, “Your projects are always late,” this gives you the chance to clarify that you don’t believe she is always late.)

Giving Feedback to a Green-Dominant Employee

Use a gentle approach. Erikson advises you to keep in mind throughout the feedback session that Green personalities are sensitive and self-critical, so whatever you say, they will compound it in their mind. Receiving negative feedback is torturous for them, so approach everything softly—use a kind voice, provide lots of reassurance, and choose your words carefully. Erikson says to make sure they know that you’re critiquing the behavior, not the person.

(Shortform note: If your body language is nervous or dominant, your feedback recipient will feel uncomfortable and likely miss out on what you have to say. Body language that signals nervousness includes: avoiding eye contact, crossing your arms, looking around the room, and fidgeting. Dominant body language includes: standing while the other person is sitting, maintaining intense eye contact for too long, furrowing your eyebrows, and making aggressive hand gestures.)

Focus on feelings. Green types care deeply about how others feel, and Erikson recommends using this as a tool during the feedback session. As usual, Green personality types are the opposite of Reds in this way. With Red personalities, Erikson says to focus on the behavior’s effect on performance, but with Greens he says it’s better to focus on how their behavior affects others’ feelings. For example: “When you didn’t complete your assignment on time, the rest of the team felt let down,” will be more effective than, “When you didn’t complete your assignment on time, the entire project timeline was delayed.”

Erikson stresses this caveat: Don’t exaggerate how the behavior affected others because the Green-dominant personality will already inflate it in his own mind. Instead, be honest and straightforward.

(Shortform note: If you’re going to share how another employee felt in a situation, ask them first if they are comfortable with you discussing it. Because the Green personality type is unlikely to confront people directly, you don’t want to inadvertently start behind-the-back drama between these two employees.)

Don’t backpedal. According to Erikson, you will quickly see the Green-dominant employee’s distress when you give negative feedback. He encourages you to resist the urge to justify the behavior as a way to make him feel better. Instead, Erikson says to use body language and vocal tone (for example, a kind voice and relaxed face) to reassure him that he’s still liked while holding your ground on the issue. This gives him nonverbal reminders that the feedback is about his behavior, not about him as a person.

(Shortform note: With sensitive employees, it’s crucial to have your meeting face-to-face. If you deliver a criticism via email, for example, there is a lot of room left for interpretation and amplification. The employee could read more into your comment than is actually there, and he will be less likely to ask for clarification. When you meet in person, on the other hand, you can read his body language and respond accordingly.)

Expect an overcorrection. Because Green types are so self-critical, Erikson says it’s common for them to dramatically overcorrect their behavior (temporarily) when they experience criticism. For example, after telling your employee that you’d like him to contribute more to the team project, don’t be surprised if for the next month he comes to work early and completes several tasks before anyone else arrives. This behavior won’t last forever—according to Erikson, it will continue only until the Green-dominant employee feels reassured that you don’t hate him. After that, be on the lookout for the original problem behavior to resurface.

(Shortform note: If you want to let your self-critical employee know that everything is fine, resume all normal activities and behaviors. After a performance review, your sensitive employee will feel spotlighted by any extra attention (even if it’s positive), and this is very uncomfortable for someone who just wants to blend in.)

Ask him to repeat the feedback. At the end of the meeting, Erikson advises you to ask the Green-dominant employee to summarize the conversation for you. He says you may find that he has added criticisms to the list himself. For example, if the point of the meeting was only to address the Green’s tardiness, and you ask him to recap, he might say, “I have been late to work a lot, and also I haven’t been completing my reports on time. I haven’t been the best teammate,” and so on. Reiterate that the only behavior he needs to adjust is the one you discussed.

(Shortform note: Because people with this personality type prefer criticizing themselves over receiving feedback from others, you might ask your employee to write out a few goals based on your conversation to be used as a metric in the next performance review. By allowing your employee to write the goals in his own words, he’ll have ownership of the behavior and will be less likely to feel embarrassed or resentful.)

Giving Feedback to a Blue-Dominant Employee

Prepare, prepare, prepare. Erikson insists that you must have all of your facts straight before approaching a Blue-dominant person with any type of criticism. He advises you to spend time preparing before the meeting by consulting several sources (rather than taking one person’s word for it), and write down exactly what is said. Review your policies, and be ready to cite them.

(Shortform note: One of the most effective ways a manager can prepare for a performance evaluation is to give feedback throughout the year. Your employees should not be surprised by anything they hear at their review. If problem behaviors are addressed right when they happen, your employees will be less likely to argue with you when they are discussed in more detail at a formal meeting.)

Provide everything in writing. Erikson reiterates that Blue personality types value preparation; for this reason, they trust written words more than spoken ones because they aren’t spontaneous. Said another way, Blues trust only what has been carefully considered. Before the meeting, Erikson suggests composing a written document that details the criticisms and includes concrete examples. He says to provide a copy of this document, and go through each point together, one by one, avoiding any detours.

(Shortform note: Along these same lines, it’s wise to collect documents throughout the year that support your praises and criticisms, like attendance records, customer feedback, and examples of good and bad behavior, which can all be kept in a folder. Anything concrete that you can show your employee will strengthen your words and support your observations.)

Focus on results, not relationships. According to Erikson, Blue personalities are similar to Reds in that they don’t care too deeply about how their behavior affects others. He says to stay away from emotional language and instead focus on how their actions affect progress. Be extremely specific. “Your pace of work is too slow,” won’t accomplish much. Try this instead: “You spent 25 hours on your report when it could have been done in 10. Because you took more than twice as long as is customary, the next phase of the project was delayed by two days, and it cost the company $2,500.”

(Shortform note: For every area of improvement you bring up, you should have data to support it. Without facts and figures, your words will sound like an opinion and won’t be respected. It’s recommended that you always begin with the data before making an explicit comment about the behavior. This allows the employee to draw his own conclusion before you do.)

Ask her to repeat the feedback. As always, Erikson says it’s good practice to have the recipient repeat what she’s heard at the end of the meeting. A Blue-dominant employee will likely repeat back to you exactly what was said, but this doesn’t mean that she believes you or is going to change her behavior. In fact, Erikson says it’s likely she just wants the meeting to end so she can get back to work. He recommends you follow up soon after to make sure she follows through with what was agreed upon.

(Shortform note: It’s helpful to schedule a follow-up meeting at the end of the current meeting rather than leaving it vague. This ensures that it won’t fall through the cracks for either of you, and it tells the employee that she’ll be held accountable for the agreed-upon plan.)

Exercise: Learn From Your Feedback Experiences

Each personality type prefers to receive feedback in different ways. Think about your own experiences with receiving feedback and how you might deliver it in the future.

• Think back to the last time you received a performance review. What did your boss do that made you feel more nervous?

• In the performance review, what did your boss do that made you feel more comfortable?

• Think about someone you work with whom you’ll need to give feedback. Based on your own experiences, what could you do to prepare for the meeting based on their personality type?

Chapter 9: The Best and Worst Color Pairings

Erikson says in a perfect world, every working scenario would include all four personality types. He explains that the Yellow personality would come up with the project idea, the Red type would make the decisions and delegate tasks, the Green personality would execute the plan, and the Blue would supervise for quality control. Unfortunately, it’s rare for the color distribution to be so even. For this reason, Erikson says it’s important to know which personality types work best together. If you’re in a leadership role, this information will help you formulate your teams. As an employee, it will help you recognize who you would best partner with.

(Shortform note: Which ingredients are needed for a successful collaboration? In addition to complementary working styles, some say the most compatible teams have shared values and motivations. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey says that great collaborators practice empathic listening, which involves trying to understand the other person’s perspective before asking them to understand yours.)

Four Harmonious Pairings

The best color pairings, according to Erikson, are Red-Blue, Green-Yellow, Blue-Green, and Red-Yellow.

Red-Blue

According to Erikson, Red and Blue personalities are one of the best pairings because they’re both task-oriented and have opposite strengths. Neither is talkative, so they won’t spend too much time socializing and will instead get the job done. He points out that Red types are big-picture thinkers and Blue types like to dive into the details, so they each handle what the other doesn’t enjoy. He warns that the Red-dominant person will have to encourage the Blue to keep up the pace, but because they’re focused on different things, this shouldn’t cause too much of an issue. Blue personalities like to point out problems, and Reds live to solve problems. For all of these reasons, Erikson says the two are an excellent working match.

Green-Yellow

Green and Yellow personality types work well together because they’re opposite in nature but each provides what the other needs, Erikson says. Yellow personalities like to come up with ideas but aren’t great with follow-through, while Green types prefer to be given directions. This is perfect, Erikson says, because the Green-dominant person will happily carry out the Yellow’s plan. Yellow personalities love to talk and Green personalities are excellent listeners. Erikson explains that Greens are a grounding force for the frenetic Yellow types, and the Yellow’s energy helps pull Green types out of their complacency. Even though Yellow-dominant people work quickly and Green personalities are slower, this won’t cause friction because they both care about what others think, so they’ll be considerate of one another.

Blue-Green

Erikson says Blue and Green personalities work well together because they both move at a gentle pace and think things through before acting. He warns that this pairing could be a problem for other people who are waiting on them to complete a project, as it won’t be arriving in any hurry. However, the two of them won’t rush each other. He points out that Green and Blue personality types are also both introverts, so neither one will drain the other’s energy through constant chatter.

Red-Yellow

Red and Yellow personalities are both action-driven, a quality that Erikson says makes them a good match. When they work together, things get done quickly. The Yellow-dominant person will likely come up with the idea and the Red will make all of the decisions and plan the attack. Without the careful eye of a Blue or Green type, Erikson warns that the quality of work might suffer, but the results will be immediate, and both Red and Yellow personalities will be happy with them. Erikson adds that both are clear communicators, so misunderstandings and hurt feelings will be infrequent.

Two Pairings That Rarely Work

According to Erikson, these color combinations aren’t necessarily doomed, but they do present challenges. If you find yourself in one of these difficult pairings, Erikson recommends that you practice self-awareness and predict the obstacles ahead of time.

Red-Green

Erikson asserts that Red and Green personalities have opposite working styles that don’t complement each other. The problems start with the pace; the Red-dominant person will want to get started right away, while the Green will procrastinate. Red types move at lightning speed, and Green personalities take their time. Erikson says this in itself will cause daily disagreements. He points out that Green types are often intimidated by Reds’ direct communication, so they won’t speak up if something is bothering them, leading to resentment and passive-aggressive communication—something that Red personalities despise. Erikson says the saving grace in this color pairing is that Red-dominant people like to give orders and Greens are happy to follow commands.

Yellow-Blue

Erikson says that a Yellow and Blue combination is the most difficult pairing to navigate. He explains that Yellow personalities like to dive into projects and work quickly, never stopping to read directions (so to speak). In contrast, Blue personalities take their time and plan, plan, plan long before they act. He says this disagreement about when to start, what to pay attention to, and how fast to work will produce constant friction.

Erikson points out that Yellow-dominant people can talk all day; Blue types prefer quiet and aren’t great listeners, so they’re likely to grow irritated with their partner’s verbosity. Similarly, the Blue type’s silent working style will lead the Yellow-dominant person to believe he’s devoid of personality or cold-hearted. Erikson reminds us that both of these personality types intensify when they’re stressed, so when they inevitably butt heads, the Yellow-dominant partner will amp up the energy, and the Blue will become more standoffish—compounding all of the original stressors and creating a vicious cycle.